Month: January 2018

A Scientific Proof

“People aren’t real,” the unicorn said. “That’s just a story they tell foals to scare them.   I can’t believe you really believe in people.”

“People are real,” the pixie replied. “There’s all sorts of proof. Where do you think rainbows come from?”

“Rainbows are made by light waves bouncing off of rain somehow. I don’t know the details, but there’s a scientific explanation,” the unicorn said.

“Uh huh, right,” the pixie said. “Science.”

“People aren’t real,” the unicorn said. “And I’ll prove it with science.”

“I don’t think it’s really possible to prove the absence of something,” the pixie said. “Because even if you don’t find it where you look, it could exist somewhere else.”

“I have an idea,” the unicorn said. “Tell me the three most likely places for people to be, and I will go there and look for people. If I don’t see any people, then they don’t exist.”

“Fine,” the pixie said. “That might work. But I bet you won’t really try.”

“Of course I will,” the unicorn said. “This is for science.”

“All right then,” the pixie said. “People like going to the pool. But the pools have to be warm. They don’t go swim in ice-cold pools in the arctic. People like to go out in nature and hike through forests and such. People like to go to the beach and play in the sand.”

“Fine,” the unicorn said. “We’ll meet back here tomorrow.”

`           The unicorn trotted off, muttering. “A hot pool? I’ll go to the hottest pool ever. We’ll see if she can accuse me of not really trying.”

And so, the unicorn took the nearest portal to an active volcano. At its base, there was a red and white barrier. “Obviously some sensible unicorns have been here,” she said. “This does look dangerous. But I have to go look. For science!” She rode her hover board to the top and peered down into the lava pool below. “Look at that,” she said to herself. “No people. What a surprise.” She returned home by portal.

What was next? Oh yes.   Lots of trees. She took a portal to the middle of a dense jungle. She looked around. Monkeys, flowers, birds, bugs. No people, of course. “There are plenty of trees and nature here,” she said.   “If there were really people, they should be around here somewhere.” But, of course they weren’t, because people weren’t real.

Some of the trees had been bitten cleanly off their stumps and carried away. She decided not to hang around and see what sort of animal could do that. She took a portal home.

The last location was a place with lots of sand.   Easy peasy. She’d go to a nice hot desert full of sand. It sounded like a perfect place to find mythical people.   She took a portal there and rode her hover board around for a while. There were no people there, of course. “Wait till I tell the pixie,” she said.

Just then, a metal box whooshed down the black rock river below. “Oh look, they get robot messengers way out here. Isn’t science amazing?” She took a portal home.

The next morning, she met the pixie. “I went to all the places we talked about, and I didn’t see any people. I didn’t even see any signs that people had ever been there.”

“I still say people are real,” the pixie said.   “Even if you didn’t see any.”

“But I proved it,” the unicorn said. “With science.”

“But I still think they’re real anyway,” the pixie said.

Charlie’s Room: The Eraser

There was an eraser on the floor in Charlie’s room.   Isaac found it when he was vacuuming.   It disturbed the flow of his task, like a rock in a stream. He wondered how Charlie had missed it when he picked up earlier.

He turned off the vacuum and bent over and picked up the eraser. And then he paused. He was about to do something, but he forgot what it was. He stood up and looked around. Why was he in Charlie’s room?

He wandered down the hall to the kitchen. He opened the fridge and looked at the food inside.   Did he eat lunch today? What time was it? Was he hungry? He walked off, leaving the fridge open.

Where was he? This house didn’t look familiar at all. Who lived here? He looked down at his hands. When did they get so big? What was he holding? He dropped it and looked around again.

Oh, that’s right. This was his house. He lived here with Marianne and Charlie. He crossed the room and closed the fridge. Lunch was just an hour ago and he certainly wasn’t hungry again.

How had he forgotten so much so quickly? His eyes darted across the room. The eraser was on the floor where he dropped it. It didn’t look at all unusual, but that didn’t really mean anything.

He needed to put it somewhere safe for now while he decided what to do next. He shuffled through the cupboards and finally pulled out a large plastic bowl that they usually filled with popcorn on movie nights.

Then he rummaged through the utensil drawer until he found the metal tongs with the longer reach. He was a little nervous about the tongs. Metal was supposed to be a good conductor. Would it conduct forgetfulness? He’d just have to be quick.

He crouched down, set the bowl on the ground next to the eraser, and took a deep breath. Then he tried to grab the eraser with the tongs. Unfortunately, it kept popping out of the tongs and flopping back down on the floor.

Isaac set the tongs on the floor with a sigh.   This wasn’t working.   Darting a hand out, he grabbed the eraser. What was he doing here again? This bowl didn’t belong on the floor. He should put it in the sink.

He picked up the bowl and stood up. Where was he? He looked around, feeling a little lost. He dropped the bowl and eraser. That’s right. His house. The kitchen. He looked down. The eraser. This was going to be harder than he thought.

Maybe he should wear gloves. He went to the hall closet and took his gloves out of his jacket pocket. He pulled them on and wiggled his fingers. Hopefully he’d still be able to pick up the eraser, despite the decreased mobility.

Back in the kitchen, he crouched down and flipped the bowl right side up, then looked at the eraser. He took another deep breath and reached out. His fingers felt thick and clumsy. He managed to flip the eraser over and over, but he couldn’t pick it up. What was he even doing?   Why was he in the kitchen?

He stood up and then glared at the eraser. This wasn’t working. It was time to call an expert. He pulled a business card out of his wallet from Wendell, Wizard Extraordinaire.

Wendell answered his phone right away. Within a few minutes, Isaac watched as the air in the front hall unzipped and Wendell walked through. “You do seem to find a lot of strange things,” he said.

“I do, don’t I?” Isaac said. “The eraser is this way.” They walked down the hall and into the kitchen. “There it is.” He pointed at the eraser sitting next to the popcorn bowl on the floor.

“And it makes you forget things?” Wendell asked.

“Yes, the longer you hold it, the more you forget,” Isaac said.

“Hmmm. It certainly looks ordinary enough.” Wendell held his hands in the air above the eraser. “I don’t feel anything unusual.” He pulled out a metal rod and waved it in the air. “I’m not detecting any enchantments, either.”

“Well, there’s something wrong with it,” Isaac said.

“I believe you,” Wendell said. He reached a finger out and poked the eraser. He pulled his finger back quickly, as though the eraser was on fire. “That’s not good,” he said. “An anti-magic field and a forgetfulness charm. Why would someone do something like that?”

“I have no idea,” Isaac said. “So, now what do we do?”

“I’ll pick it up,” Wendell said. “Follow me around with the bowl, until I drop it. Then, catch it with the bowl.”

It worked. The moment the eraser landed in the bowl with a thud, Isaac set the bowl on the floor and stepped back. Wendell wandered around the kitchen in a circle, and then suddenly stood up straighter.

“Did it work?” he asked.

“Yes,” Isaac said. “It’s over there.”

Wendell took some gloves out of his picked and picked up the bowl by the edge. “Great.   I’ll take care of this. Thanks, Isaac. Oh, let me know if you figure out where it came from.” And he took the bowl, unzipped the air, and left. Isaac finished vacuuming Charlie’s room.

When Charlie came home, Isaac asked him about the eraser. “You found an eraser on my floor?” Charlie said. “I don’t remember using an eraser for anything lately. I have no idea where it came from. Sorry.”

Isaac wasn’t surprised Charlie couldn’t remember the eraser. He never did find out anything else about it. He was happy to just forget all about it, this time.

Isaac’s Adventures Underground: Chapter Ten

Isaac looked the baby bird in the eye that he could see through the hole in its eggshell. “I’m not your mother,” he said.

“I know that,” the baby bird said. Its voice was muffled. “You’re much too small. You look more like food. Besides, mother’s voice sounds different.”

“I’m not food,” Isaac said. “I’m really much bigger than this.”

“No you’re not,” the baby bird said. “That doesn’t even make sense.”

“Even if it doesn’t make sense, it’s true,” Isaac said. “I got shrunk by an elevator. Normally, I’m much bigger than your mother.”

“I don’t think anything is bigger than mother,” the baby bird said.

“Why?” Isaac asked.

“Mother talks to us all the time. She tells us about the tops of the trees and the mountains and the clouds.   She can look down on everything,” the little bird said.

“That’s because she can fly,” Isaac said.

“What’s flying?”

“Well, that’s when you move your body up in the air. You’re not taller, your feet are just further off the ground,” Isaac said.

“Show me,” the bird said.

“I can’t fly,” Isaac said.

“Why not?”

Isaac almost said that he was much too big to fly, but then he remembered that he wasn’t very big any more. “Well, I don’t have feathers or wings,” he said.

“What’s that?” the baby bird asked.

“You ask a lot of questions,” Isaac said.

“I have a lot to learn,” the baby bird said. “What are feathers or wings?”

Isaac looked around and picked up a long feather half-hidden in the grass.   “This is a feather. Birds like your mother have lots of them. Wings are the flappy arms that they use to fly.”

“If the wings are for flying, what are the feathers for?” the baby bird asked.

“To help catch the air, I guess. See, watch.” Isaac found another feather, and holding one in each hand, he pushed down on the air several times, as though he were a bird about to take off.

“You’re flying!” the baby bird said.

For a moment, Isaac believed it was true. He could look down at the grass below, and the eggs seemed much smaller.   Then he realized that his feet were still on the ground. “I’m not flying, I’m taller,” Isaac said. “My feet haven’t moved.”

“Well, come back,” the baby bird said. “I have more questions, and it’s harder to understand you way up there.”

“I don’t know how,” Isaac said.

“You were showing me how to fly,” the baby bird said. “So just do the opposite.”

“You mean landing?” Isaac tried pushing the air up with the feathers. They were smaller now and he had to adjust his grip. He flapped his arms and shrunk.

“This is great! Now I can leave,” Isaac said.

“Why do you want to leave?” the baby bird asked.

“Because I want to go home,” Isaac said.

“This is home,” the baby bird said.

Isaac sighed. “It’s not my home.”

“You could stay here and answer my questions,” the baby bird said. “Then it would be your home.”

“But I can’t fly. Not even with feathers. And I don’t have wings,” Isaac said. “Besides, I would miss my family too much.”

“What’s family?” the baby bird asked.

“It’s the people you love who love you too. Like your mom and dad and the other baby birds in the other eggs in your nest,” Isaac said.

“Is family part of home?”

“It’s what makes it home,” Isaac said. “My family could change houses, and then the new house would be home.   Home is where they are.”

“Then why are you here?” the baby bird asked.

“Because I don’t know how to get back,” Isaac said.

“I don’t understand,” the baby bird said.

“I hope you never do,” Isaac said. “Don’t leave your home until you’re old enough to find the way back.”

Suddenly, everything was a lot dimmer. Isaac looked up to see a large bird circling overhead. “It’s your mother!”

“Yay! Isn’t it wonderful? Now I’ll know what home looks like,” the baby bird said.

Isaac did not think this was wonderful. He was terrified she’d swoop in and eat him.  He needed to be too big to eat. Clutching the feathers a little tighter, he began to flap his arms, pushing down on the air around him.